100 Best Funny And Memorable Spongebob Quotes

Quick Facts

If anyone told Stephen Hillenburg, creator of the worldwide phenomenon, SpongeBob SquarePants, that the animated comedytelevision series he made for Nickelodeon would be as huge as it turned out to be, he may not have believed it. The series, which debuted on the 17th of July 1999 revolves around the title character, SpongeBob, an aquatic creature, and his friends in the fictional submarine city of Bikini Bottom. Without a doubt, all the characters in the show have memorable lines that are still used by a lot of people in their daily conversations and although they are too numerous to count, here are some SpongeBob quotes that will make you want to watch the show if you aren’t doing so already.

100 Best Funny and Memorable Spongebob Quotes

1. You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich. – Spongebob

2. I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charm. Indoors. Indoors. Indoors. Take it away penny. – Spongebob

3. Oh well, I guess I’m not wearing any pants today! – SpongeBob

4. Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
Spongebob: No, Patrick. They’re laughing next to us.

5. Spongebob: What’s better than serving up smiles?
Squidward: being dead or anything else

6. You’re a man now, SpongeBob, and it’s time you started acting like one. – Patrick

7. You sir, are a bitch! – SpongeBob

8. Are you Squidward now? … That’s okay, take your time. – Patrick Star

9. Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me. – Patrick Star

10. I wumbo, you wumbo, he-she-me wumbo. Wumboing, wumbology, the study of wumbo! It’s first grade Spongebob. – Patrick Star

11. Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby, secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secret, secretly. – Spongebob

12. Spongebob: guess what day today is?
Patrick: annoy Squidward day?
Spongebob: no silly! that’s on the 15!

13. if I were to die right now in a fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend…. Then it would just be alright. -Spongebob

14. Spongebob: Hey Patrick what am I now?
Patrick: Uh…stupid?
Spongebob: No! I’m Texas!
Patrick: What’s the difference?

15. Police: If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. [locks SpongeBob and Patrick in jail cell and opens it again after a second] Okay, time’s up. Now get out!
SpongeBob: But…we stole a balloon!
Police: Yeah, on free balloon day!

16. Holographic Meatloaf? My favorite! – Plankton

17. I’m ugly and I’m proud.

18. Oh, barnacles! – Patrick Star

19. Well, it may be stupid, but it’s also dumb. – Patrick

20. SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish… [shouting] for 12 hours! – Squidward

21. If you believe in yourself and with a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams can come true. – Spongebob

22. Run Mr. Krabs! Run like you’re not in a coma! – Spongebob

23. Good people don’t rip other people’s arms off.
SpongeBob: We’re not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic. Patrick: Umm, I got it. Let’s get naked!

24. SpongeBob: Hi, Kevin. I’m your biggest fan.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: That’s nice. Security!
SpongeBob: No, no! I’ll do anything you want!
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Go jump off a building.
[SpongeBob jumps off building, returns]
SpongeBob: Anything.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Punch yourself in the face.
[SpongeBob punches himself with a boxing glove]
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Doesn’t that hurt?
SpongeBob: [Puts on a metal gauntlet with spikes] Do you want it to hurt, Kevin?

25. SpongeBob: [in a mattress store] Wow, look at all these mattresses! How many do you think here are?
Patrick: [looks around the store] 10.
SpongeBob: Cool.

26. And say hello to used napkin.

27. I shave my eyebrows.

28. Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
Spongebob: I do!
Patrick: I do!
Sandy Cheeks: I do!
Squidward: I don’t.

29. See, no one says “cool” anymore. That’s such an old person thing. Now we say “coral”, as in “That nose job is so coral. – Pearl Krabs

30. Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you. – Patrick to Spongebob

31. I don’t get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Squidward clean my yard, but that really means he’s messing it up. But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Squidward is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, Squidward is being the opposite of Squidward which means he’s Spongebob!

32. Excuse me, sir, but you’re sitting on my body, which is also my face. – Spongebob

33. The Krusty Krab Pizza, is the Pizza for you and me! -Spongebob

34. Spongebob: Wow, Patrick, I didn’t know you spoke bird.
Patrick: No, Spongebob, that’s Italian

35. Squidward: You mean you’ve never heard the story of the… hash-slinging slasher?
SpongeBob: The slash-bringing hasher?
Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher.
SpongeBob: The sash wringing… the trash thinging… mash flinging… the flash springing, bringing the crash thinging the…
Squidward: Yes. The hash-slinging slasher

36. I’ll have you know, I’ve had this same laptop for four years and have never deleted my browser history. – Spongebob

37. I can’t hear you, it’s too dark in here.

38. We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request. – Mr. Krabs

39. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. – Patrick Star

40. Too bad Spongebob isn’t here to enjoy Spongebob not being here. – Squidward

41. Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean?
Spongebob: It means he’s a afraid of Santa Clause

42. Spongebob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be?
Patrick: Um… more time for thinking.

43. Isn’t this great Squidward? It’s just the 3 of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us. – SpongeBob

44. Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob. It’s little kids! Little kids are easy to scare! [door opens]
Kids: Trick-or-treat!
SpongeBob: [jumps out and tries to scare the kids like he did Patrick] Rawr-rawr! [kids laugh]
Kid #1: Look, it’s the haunted mattress!
SpongeBob: Okay, okay, here’s your candy.
Kid #1: No, please, that was enough of a treat, thank you. [kids walk away laughing]
SpongeBob: I don’t get it, Patrick.

45. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are…(drools). – Patrick Star

46. Excuse me sir, I hope my horrible ugliness won’t be a distraction to you. – Spongebob

47. I swear, it’s not what it looks like.

48. Happy Halloween, ScaredyPants. – Mrs. Puff

49. Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument.
Squidward: No Patrick mayonnaise is not an instrument…Horseradish is not an instrument either.

50. F is for Fire that burns down the whole town, U is for Uranium bombs, N is for No survivors… – Spongebob

51. Ravioli Ravioli, give me the formuoli. – Spongebob

52. Gary, I’m absorbing his blows like I’m made of some sort of spongy material. – Spongebob

53. I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary! – SpongeBob

54. Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Gary, it’s Patrick! I’m going to scare him! It’s my turn. [opens the door and tries to scare Patrick] Rawr! [Patrick has some funny glasses on]
Patrick: Hiya, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams. Patrick takes his glasses off] Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.
SpongeBob: Why can’t I be frightening for once? Where’s my chance?
Patrick: Well, if you want to be scary, you got to need a good costume. [later, SpongeBob walks out of his closet with a big, white sheet on]

55. Spongebob: Aw, cheer up, Squid! It could be worse!
Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.

56. I’ll only wish you a happy birthday…if you promise not to serve sponge cake.

57. Just get outa here you stupid, dumb animal.

58. The best time to wear a striped sweater…is all the time. – Spongebob

59. Home is where you’re surrounded by other critters that care about you. – Sandy Cheeks

60. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died… the end.

61. I’ll have you know that I stubbed my toe last week and only cried for 20 minutes.

62. Squidward… I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!

63. With imagination, you can be anything you want. – Spongebob

64. SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. [holds up a pickle]
SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them… in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words “Krusty Krab” crossed out and the word “soul” written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly as Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit]
Squidward: I’ve come for your pickle! [SpongeBob jumps up screaming]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [Squidward takes his costume off as SpongeBob, in a barrel, sees the pirate was Squidward]
SpongeBob: Humph, Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: Nothing like a good ghost story, eh, me boy? Hope you’re not too scared to come to me party tonight, SpongeBob ScaredyPants! [laughs while walking out]

65. Spongebob: Now that we’re men, we have facial hair.
Patrick: Now that we’re men I changed my underwear.

66. Who put you on the planet?

67. Shit just got real!

68. It took three days to make that potato salad…three days!!!

69. You just CAN’T WAIT for me to die, can you?

70. Can you give SpongeBob his brain back, I had to borrow it for the week. – Patrick Star

71. Spongebob: Patrick, you’re a genius!
Patrick: Yeah, I get called that a lot.
Spongebob: What? A genius?
Patrick: No, Patrick.

72. SpongeBob: [thinking] I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it.
SpongeBob: [shouts] I… need… it!

73. Always follow your heart unless your heart is bad with directions. – Spongebob

74. Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
SpongeBob: No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, the worst monster of them all.
SpongeBob: Uhh… no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
Mr. Krabs: True as the deep blue.
SpongeBob: Okay, maybe just a little.

75. I guess hibernation is the opposite of beauty sleep. – Spongebob

76. Opps! I farted.

77. Any particular reason you took your pants off?

78. I knew a guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy’s cousin… – SpongeBob

79. We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!

80. This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is… ADVANCED darkness.

81. Firmly grasp it in your hand. – Patrick

82. You never really know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.

83. Can I be excused for the rest of my life? – Spongebob

84. Mr. Krabs: That hat makes you look like a girl.
SpongeBob: Am I a pretty girl?!

85. A five-letter word for happiness…money. – Mr. Krabs

86. Hold on, I’m searching for a fuck to give.

87. You call that a blowjob, get back on your knees bitch…

88. Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call “Mom”?
SpongeBob: No Patrick, that’s your mother.

89. Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

90. People talk loud when they wanna act smart. – Squidward

91. Spongebob: Hey Patrick
Patrick: What?
Spongebob: I thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick: Let me hear it.
Spongebob: 25.

92. There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, with the Help Wanted sign on the front. I’ve waited years for this moment. I’m gonna go in there, march straight up to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line, and – I can’t do it! – Spongebob

93. Oh, these aren’t homemade. They were made in a factory… a bomb factory. They’re bombs.

94. Spongebob: I’m Dirty Dan.
Patrick: No, I’m Dirty Dan.
Spongebob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?
Patrick: I’m dirty.

95. The most important meal of the day…serving it up Gary’s way.

96. Does living in bikini bottom and being absorbent make Spongebob a tampoon? Face it Spongebob, you live in bikini bottoms, you’re super absorbent, you are a tampon.

97. Patrick, don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else? -Not until 4.

98. Squidward that’s not the peace treaty, that’s a copy of the peace treaty.

99. I’d hate you even if I didn’t hate you.

100. You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear.

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